my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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