guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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