He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize