and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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