Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
