Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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