My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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