sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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