you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
