Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
