you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
