I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize