quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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