I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
