I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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