I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did i walk over a car last night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just crazy horny about you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
