Jerry, you need to find god
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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