I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
