My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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