He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
