If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my poor anus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
