so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
