I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
