Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
