so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
