There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
