I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
