Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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