he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
