Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
