i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
