I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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