he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
