I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
