no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
