Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
