Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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