Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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