im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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