New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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