: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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