I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
