If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
