he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
