I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's blow job season.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
