There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bring me that man meat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
