It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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