You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
