I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize