I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
