No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
