I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
