Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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