Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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