You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
