really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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