So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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